Hettienne Ma

Here and Now

In Uncategorized on January 20, 2011 at 8:25 am

Today I walked outside expecting to say ‘good morning’ to the two weaver chicks in my pin oak tree and, the truth be told, just to check on them and make sure that their mother has been doing a good job!  For weeks I have been observing the beautiful journey. It started with the male weaving nest after nest – never daunted in his task by the female’s dissatisfaction with his every attempt at creating the perfect nest for her precious eggs.

Eventually, she was happy with his fifth attempt!  She moved in and soon there were two tiny mouths that had to be fed constantly.  As I listened to their insistent cries, it brought back memories of my own children and their insistent crying during colic and other baby upsets.  These tiny little chicks were literally only beaks : wide open and never, never closed.  And when the mother arrived with food they greeted her with great excitement.  It became almost second nature for me to listen for their hunger cries and then the calls of joy when they were fed.  This all gave me a wonderful sense of Mother Nature and her incredible powers and that all is well in the world. An Utopian view of the world, no doubt!

Then a week ago, I noticed that the entrance to the nest has now two separate entrances; one for each chick.  And then still a few days later I saw the chicks outside the nest sunning their bright green fluff!  My mothering instinct was awakened and I was so happy and felt so peaceful : all of nature is taking care of its own.

Then this morning I looked up into the leaves and there was no nest!  Nothing, not a sign of the nest.  A few twigs and feathers floated in the water below and I realised that the chicks have left and the mother had deconstructed the nest as it no longer served its purpose.

As I caught my breath I witnessed my feelings of loss! A deep pang of ‘oh no they have gone’ fluttered through my throat; probably mirroring my own process of two grown up children who have recently moved out. But then as I ventured down this path of feeling and allowing itself to unfold and show me the gingerbread house within, I witnessed the lovely play of the ego.

The ego has been demonised in the spiritual tradition and in the quest for enlightenment. Enlightenment is an awakening – sometimes it happens suddenly, for no known reason at all, and at other times it happens after a long period of meditation and an immersion into the unseen and invisible.  But seldom does it happen after studying metaphysics or gathering more knowledge of systems and traditions.  Awakening is exactly what the word says : you wake up from a deep sleep.

Knowledge serves to help you understand the construction of the ego and the existence of the illusion, and it will help to thin those divisive belief systems and walls of separation.  And when you have come to understand, intellectually, that you are not only your ego, but that you are Spirit as well, it is time to accept and to step through the door of surrender!

The ego mind is the one that keeps you asleep.  In order for the ego to stay alive it needs to be fed.  It thus needs your energy for itself.  In order to harvest your energy, it desensitizes you to the intensity of the vibrancy of the true world.  The true world therefore stays unseen and, very importantly, unfelt to you. Your ego with its desire-mind, will keep you enthralled with its own agenda of success, goals, achievement, ambition and sensual needs.  However, the more you direct your focus and attention inward through contemplation and meditation, the more your energy becomes firstly purified from the ego attachments and secondly, the more you become sensitized to the world within and the world that you sense behind the visible world.

Awakening is also directly linked to the opening of the heart – through intense feelings and eventually euphoria or deep peace and bliss.  As the energy is gathered within and withdrawn from the personal ego attachment, the heart starts to feel itself in order to heal.  A difficult period of ‘withdrawal symptoms’ and many challenges and temptations to fall back into the world of the needy and demanding ego, will arise.  But it is exactly through these feelings that you will be guided and led down a seemingly dark tunnel towards the Light of Awakening.

A strong ego is necessary for spiritual development and growth.  This is contrary to many guru’s teachings as students are often told that their ‘ego should be broken down’ and that they should surrender to the will of the guru.   Without an ego you will not have a sense of identity, no discernment, no personal power – you will be completely disempowered.  Without an ego you will not be able to wake up from the sleep as you will not be able to identify your ego attachments and archetypes.  You will be perpetually in a state of confusion, without an idea of what to surrender to the divine and what not.  You will be easily manipulated and taken advantage of by others and you will become their source of energy in the ‘energetic food chain’.  It is only those parts of the ego that has become out of balance and that is overdeveloped, that does not serve and which has to be brought into balance.

There  in nowhere that You are not.  You are holy and everything you touch is holy.  The battle is not between good and bad.  The quest is to wake up from the dream!  Will you wake up from the dream if you fear God?  If you believe that you are imprisoned by a negative, harmful ego, what does that imply?  Who created that ego?  The personal, separate you?  Then by implication you are more powerful than God and therefore you should be feared – no doubt.

We live by implication – by the law of the infinite and invisible. You can only become aware of this Invisible Infinite Law of Love, when you go within. Then it is a process of instilling a deep quiet into your mind.  Focusing on the activity that you are doing with great intent.  Regular disciplined meditation.  Immersing yourself in great art, beauty or poetry.  Spending time in nature.  Spending time alone, away from others and the energetic pull of their minds and emotions.  Withdrawing from relationships regularly in order to purify your energy field from attachment and reaction.

If you are on the quest to awakening, then spend time listening to your own inner voice.  Dialogue with your statements that you make on a daily basis.  Look at the implications of what you believe about yourself and about others.  Clear seeing is very important in the journey of waking up.  And everyone can wake up.

Dialogue with the self and regular meditation will give you access to “seeing” clearly all that there is to “see”, it enables accurate and powerful decisions. And clear-seeing clears the way to put action behind what has been decided, eliminating all resistance in it’s way.

You will  learn to “see” in all levels of Light and reveal that which has been previously hidden. Whether one is male or female, these practices will give you an all important connection to your female side and the most exquisite form of deep wisdom – feminine intuition.

You will be able to grasp the  big picture and create a synthesis and deep understanding from many diverse fragments. When not in balance, it is because a determined intellect is standing in the way, although one believes in a lot of cases that true intuition is active. This leads to self aggrandizement, and deluded behavior based on sheer illusion and fantasy. Such is the plight of many souls who mistakingly believe they “get it”. Realistically speaking, many boldly talk the talk as opposed to walk the walk.

This delusion is present in the absence of meditation and inner awareness.  True inner awareness is not possible and accessible through the ego mind.  As pointed out earlier, the ego mind is the one that is running the agenda and the program to syphen off your energies and clear seeing – so it only stands to reason that it will not aid and abet these attempts at undermining its tyranny.

Prolonged and stubborn resistance to seeing things as they really are, leads to behavior bordering on unrealistic idealism. This eventually causes partial if not whole separation from reality. The ensuing result is an extreme issue with authority (everyone else is wrong – but I am O.K.).

Just because we want to wake up and we know that this is possible, does not make it so.  We have to ACCEPT that have the potential to awaken.  By dropping our insecurities about material (tangible) matters, and trusting in what we can’t see – the “still small voice” becomes proof alone that there is something else – something visible to our “higher” or extra-sensory sensitivities.

Without a disciplined mind, cultivated by a strong ego, the quest for awakening  becomes an ungrounded idealistic fantasy of relying on external others’ authority and mercy.

Only you can give yourself the gift of Love, through honouring yourself and your inner voice.  Honour and pay attention to your deepest feelings, that which your Heart speaks so clearly.  Pay attention to what you say to others and to your first response spoken – before the conditioning re-asserts itself.

And remember, awakening does not mean that you become perfect, nor that you will ever be a perfect person.  Even when fully awakened at present all the time, does not make the enlightened one a perfect being.

As long as you are in a human body, you will always be called upon to make choices based on Love!


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