Hettienne Ma

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Living in Duality is an Act of Love

In Diksha, divine feminine, Messages, The Path of Love, The way of the heart on February 28, 2011 at 6:47 am

Living in duality is a wonderful gift that we have given to ourselves and it is not something that need be ‘overcome’ or ‘transcended’.  There are schools of thought that teaches that maya (the illlusion of duality) should be left behind as fast as we can. But in my experience, it is through the immersion of ourselves into the body and its sensory experience, by living our emotions and feelings, applying our mind and ultimately trusting on Higher Wisdom, that we and our experience here becomes transformed into joy.

I can only speak from my own experience and I have learnt that  my intense devotive passion, which at times is my greatest challenge and obstacle, has also proved to be my most powerful ally on this journey.

Life for me started out  with a heightened awareness and sensitivity.  Having been born with clairvoyant abilities, and others all with the prefix of ‘clair’ (meaning clear), life had many layers to it.  As these layers were only clear to me and not to those around me, I was quite happy to have my own experience and to live in my own world.

Until my social interaction widened and I learnt that we should label everything.  All of a sudden my experiences no longer seemed so clear and my paradise seemed to exist only in my own world.  This sense of separation has been my greatest  motivator on my spiritual journey.  At first, I did not realise that this was what I was looking for – albeit sometimes in the weirdest places.

It is actually all very simple.  If we could allow ourselves, and of course, if our social training and conditioning could have been such, as to allow us, to have simple trust and faith : both in the Divine in whatever form or non-form and in OURSELVES.  The key is to know that I Am God That I Am.  And that this is not reserved exclusively for the saints and holy persons and neither does this mean that you know it all, or that you have full access to the Divine Mind and can know all the Mysteries.

But it does mean that you are not separated and has never been.  It does mean that your very soul is of the same fabric as the Divine and that ‘i’ is actually ‘I”.  This also implies that you have been given a treasure of potential power and strength which is mostly never mined in this life.

The separation is created by your own beliefs, by what you believe about the world and about yourself, how you see yourself, by the attachment and investment to your own personal identity.  A Course in Miracles make it so beautifully simple :  there are only two feelings : Fear or Love.  And whichever you choose, will determine your experience, your world and your destiny.

Choosing Love means that you have to choose the improbable, miracles and the ‘other’, with that I mean you will be going against the ways of your culture, your society and probably, your family.  It means that you will have to forgive and forgive, every moment of every day.  You will have to forgive yourself, your society, your culture, your gender, and mainly, you will have to forgive the Divine for putting you here in this ‘divine comedy’ which at times do not seem funny at all!

You may fight and scream and resist, until you Realise that there is no getting off this bus.  You can participate or you can sit this one out, but you have nowhere else to go, so you may as well make the most of it??

Your most powerful tool is to get to know yourself and your own nature.  When you know yourself, you Know God.  How do you get to know yourself?  By doing the great work – unpleasant and painful at times.  It calls for great courage to face your own darkness and shadows.  It calls for inner strength to face your greatest fears.  It calls for deep compassionate love, starting with yourself, for everything!.

Make time every day for contemplation and meditation.  Just start.  Set aside 20 minutes every day and gradually increase this.  Find a cd for a guided meditation until you have the hang of it.  As you withdraw from the senses and the stimulation of the physical world, and you enter that deep silence within, you come closer to knowing God the formless.  Meditation acts like a deep cleanse.  It purifies the mind of its attachments and its never ending desire for stimulation and possession of experiences.  It releases you from your identity and the personality with all its traits and characteristics.  It rewires your nervous system and creates new neural pathways in the brain.  In other words, it is a rebirth.

Set time aside to journal every day.  As you express those unspoken feelings and thoughts, they are seen.  Once they have been acknowledged, they are in your awareness, and the Light of your Spirit will illuminate them through your conscious awareness and they can be burnt away in the fire of acceptance.

Observe yourself.  Distance yourself from your personality.  Remember that your personality is a collage of your conditioning, your experiences, your belief systems, your childhood, your parents, etc etc.  You are not your personality so let go of your identification of it.

You are not your identity.  You are not the roles you are fulfilling at this time in your life.  All of these can change in the blink of an eye and you will still exist.  Life teaches us through change, so be willing to change in every second and every minute, without attachment.

Have many tools in your toolkit.  Use your mind and apply yourself to your own inner world.  As much energy as you spend in doing your job well, or taking care of your family, or creating masterpieces, apply that same passion and energy to your own inner world.  Love creates the form and not the other way around.  That means that you first imagine and believe something to be true before it manifests in your life and in your world. You are the king of your own kingdom : it is your duty to control your own mind.

Extend yourself to others.  It is through extension of the self that we truly learn to know the Self.  Face your fears of rejection, of being judged, of looking like a fool and reach out to others. Live vulnerable.  When we are vulnerable, our hearts are open and we treat others and ourselves with sensitivity.  The ego’s greatest weapon in its arsenal against You, is its ability to desensitize you.  It has the power and ability to turn you into an automaton, a virtual zombie.  You feel so overwhelmed by your suppressed feelings and fears, that you start to cut off from your inner voice, you close your heart and effectively closes down your sensitivity and compassion and become so focused on fulfilling your own needs, that you become oblivious to everything else.  You do things without questioning them; you accept the norm without pause.

A good example is becoming a vegetarian.  I am confronted about being vegetarian as it makes others feel uncomfortable, as though they are being judged for their own carnivorous eating habits.  But we do not feel the impact of another’s judgement unless that voice echoes in our own inner voice.  Pay attention to this in future.  When someone says something that you absolutely have no attachment to, you just wave it away and never think about it again.  But when they touch a nerve, you become defensive and upset.  I always reiterate with the question ‘have you been to an abattoir?  Can you witness the process of animals reared for slaughter from the day of their birth?  Can you stand to watch them cooped up in the smallest spaces, never seeing the sun or feeling the earth under their feet? and then can you watch them being slaughtered?  Well, I cannot.

Love is a state of being;  it is both dynamic and receptive in order to birth.  Love is not an object or a sentiment or even a feeling.  Love is not good or bad.  Love Is.  It is the very fabric of ourselves and our existence. It exists but it is invisible and living in duality gives us the opportunity to make Love visible and to give it Life.

You are Love and the voice of Love lives within you.  She whispers to you in every moment and guides you in every action.  Whether you pay attention or not, that is your choice and your power.  Ultimately She has all the answers for you and those answers are not buried in spiritual traditions, nor in the authority of others, nor in their lives.  But in your own heart and soul.  Your life may appear small to others and your name may not be written in footlights, but your every action is Love in action.

Whether you express it positively or negatively; whether you experience pain or joy; whether you spread happiness or grief; you are Love in action.  Love does not judge.  Love does not condemn.  Love is unconditional.  In the world of duality, we have been given the illusory power of making something good or bad and of harming or helping another or ourselves.  But ultimately, behind the veil of Maya, none of it is True.  The Truth cannot be named, nor explained or described.  The Truth can only be known by you.  You may Know it as a resonance within, or a sound within.  Either way, what you Know as your Truth, that Is so.  And the more you Know Truth, the deeper you will want to immerse yourself in Truth.  Thus the journey is never at an end.  And it can only be experienced and shared whilst in duality.

Thus we are all at various stages of Knowing Truth and lots of confusion arises because everyone speaks of and teaches from their place of knowing the truth.  But the ultimate Truth can only be known by yourself in your own inner kingdom of Love.


The Journey of Setting yourself Free

In Diksha, divine feminine, Messages, resurrection, The Path of Love, The way of the heart on February 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm


Do you wake up tired?  Do you have days on end when you have no energy?  Are you aware of a feeling of slight depression most of the time?  Do you often have an underlying sense of anxiety?  If you answer yes to any of these questions, your unconscious self (or subconscious) is telling your conscious self (your personality) that you need to access a hidden part of yourself .

The human mind hides aspects of its personality from itself, based on its judgement that this aspect is undesirable and that it needs to defend itself against itself, as it were.

If you can find out what it is that you are hiding from yourself, it is then possible for you to integrate this dark part back into the whole.

As you take your power back from your shadows, you will find that you become energized and that you feel buoyant more often and for longer periods of time. You will find that you feel  happy and fulfilled with life and yourself, just as is.   You will feel ‘charged’ with energy and vitality and you will find yourself saying ‘is life not wonderful?’.  You will be able to manifest in the physical world as your ability to focus will increase naturally.  Your creative expression will be able to flow without any constrictions and you will find that time has no relevance to you.  You will be able to do in 24 hours what used to take you days.

I see the shadows as thoughts, emotions and fears that lurk in our subconscious and which is not obvious or even known to our conscious mind. As we resist these shadows, inner conflict is created.  This state of inner conflict creates inner tension and it takes most of our energy to maintain this state of tension.  This state of conflict and inner tension is brought about by our preference to experience that which we regard as good or pleasant or positive.

The world of duality implies by its very nature polarities.  Through our judgement of good or bad, holy or evil, desirable or undesirable, we sentence ourselves to many lifetimes imprisoned in the world of physicality with its limited vision and understanding.  As we let go of the need to judge experiences as good or bad, but to accept the flow of life into our reality, as it is, we transcend duality.  When you transcend duality you move into the oneness (see the discussion on the Triangle) and you set yourself free.

As we transcend the world of duality, we will achieve unity consciousness.  Unity consciousness is within the individual.  As one becomes a whole, integrated being, you perceive life from a higher vantage point which means that you are able to see more of the picture.

Because we live in the physical world of duality, we have been taught to judge everything as positive or negative.  Once we understand that the duality is an expression of the One and therefore, they are just two sides of the same coin, we can let go of the need to judge in order to protect ourselves.

When we remember that the very nature of Life is Love and that all expressions are thereof of Love, we can reprogram ourselves to trust All That Is.

Sometimes we are more aware of them, but most of the time they remain only shadows.  Through conditioning we have become too fearful to look into those shadows to see what they contain that poses such a threat to our happiness and even survival.

Without being aware of it, most of our energy is spent in suppressing, denying or avoiding these shadows.  It becomes a habitual way of living.  As soon as the conscious mind takes control of the personality, it moves into ‘control mode’ which it considers as a protective and/or defensive mode.

Caught up in these shadows is a lifetime of conditioning and programming.  These suppressed parts of ourselves is stuck energy and this energy can be released through various tools, such as past life regression, inner child work, emotional release work and by applying the Freedom through Love process.

When you access your unexpressed fears and feelings you are taking the first step on the journey of becoming free :  free to be yourself and free to love yourself unconditionally.

You can recognize the need for clearing in your life through the following :

Tiredness upon waking





Mood swings

Being angry

Chronic fatigue

Chronic disease

Pay attention to ANY physical symptoms, as the state of inner tension will manifest as dis-ease in the physical body.

Being involved in a painful or unpleasant relationship


To see what I am talking about, try the following exercise.

Upon waking up after a good night’s sleep, in those first moments of consciousness, see how different you feel.  Become aware of that complete feeling of ease and peacefulness.  Observe how quiet the mind is for that instant.  In that moment before the mind takes over, you are your true Self.  You are completely at peace, without any unconscious fears or defensive patterns expressing themselves.  This is the Real You that lives behind your eyes.  This is the time before you don your masks for yourself and for the world.

This quiet, serene state becomes your natural state more and more as you clear all your shadows.  These shadows form the murky veil of illusion between you and your true state of being.

As you take your power back from your shadows, you will find that you become energized and have a positive frame of mind most of the time, without any effort on your part.     Unconditional love and forgiveness will be your natural expressive self.


Step 1 :  Find out  WHAT exactly it is that you are suppressing and hiding from yourself.

How to go about this

Find a quiet place to be by yourself.  Take a few moments to become contemplative.  A short meditation will enhance your ability to allow the subconscious to flow into your conscious mind.

Set the intent, through prayer or by lighting a candle or by just stating, to allow the hidden wisdom of your subconscious to flow into your mind.  Also state your willingness to accept whatever it is that comes to you and your willingness to hand over to Spirit and to give up the need to hang onto the judgement.

Divide a piece of paper into two columns.  Mark the one column as negative and the other as positive.

Focus on the feelings which prompted you to start the process.

Write these feelings down in the first column marked ‘negative’.

Write down as many words that describe what it is that you are or were feeling, as possible.

The more words you use and the more expressive they are, the closer you will get to the root cause of your discomfort.

When you are satisfied that you have thoroughly expressed your feelings, start on the ‘positive’ column.

For every negative feeling, write down its positive opposite.


NEGATIVE                                                                            POSITIVE

Angry                                                                                       Accepting

Hurt                                                                                           Happy

Bitter                                                                                        Joyous

Hateful                                                                                     Loving

Very Angry                                                                            Understanding

Furious                                                                                     Allowing

I want revenge                                                                       Forgiveness

I want to hurt back                                                               Compassion

Betrayed                                                                                    Supported

Unrespected                                                                             Respected

Unwanted                                                                                  Wanted

Unloved                                                                                      Loved

Rejected                                                                                      Desired

Thrown away                                                                             Cared for

Cast off                                                                                          Nurtured

Unlovable                                                                                    Lovable

Awful                                                                                             Wonderful

Disgusting                                                                                    Beautiful

I hate myself                                                                               I love myself

I pity myself                                                                                I admire myself

I cannot live with myself                                                        I am at peace with myself

Because we experience and perceive Life as the duality, whenever you express the one pole of existence, you immediately attract its opposite.  We contain both the negative and the positive, therefore, if you feel awful, you also can feel wonderful.

When your list is completed, hand it over to Spirit.  Surrender all these feelings, both positive and negative, to God/Goddess/All That Is.  Ask Spirit (God) to remove these feelings from your psyche.  Ritual has great grounding power and the following rituals will assist in bringing the message home to the physical body.

– You can open your hands and raise them to the sky to physically demonstrate your handing over and letting go of these feelings and negative thoughts.

– You can burn the list that you made.

– You can go and have a bath (add a handful of Epsom salt – it assists in the clearing of the energy body) or take a shower.  State the intent that as you immerse yourself in the water, you are washing these feelings and thoughts from you.  Visualise the water running away into Mother Earth, where these negative energies are transmuted back into Light and offer this Healing Light to others in need.

This is the first step in accessing and re-integrating your various separated selves.  In this first stage of the process you identify which feelings you are dealing with.

Your challenge at the end of this first step is  to :  LET GO, LET GOD.

Based on your KNOWING and TRUST  that God is Love, you can allow yourself to surrender the need to hold onto all feelings of judgement.

The Freedom through Love Process has been recorded onto a compact disc.  You can order a copy from http://www.freedomthroughlove.org.

The Great Mother Speaks

In divine feminine, Messages, The Path of Love, The way of the heart on November 19, 2010 at 8:08 am

The Great Mother Speaks

I, who Am Her, She whom is known by many names. I have always been with you and I always shall be with you. I am known as the Living Body of Light, Kundalini, Shekinah, Shakty, Ma! I vibrate, I move, I resonate. Come to know Me and Know Thyself. Hear my voice and see my Presence – in and through the physical body.

The physical body is your vehicle to Self-Realisation and Unity Consciousness. Unity Consciousness exists in each and every human being, but it needs to be accessed. The most powerful way to access this luminous state of being, is thenatural way – the way of the body and the heart!
Through all ages, the body and its senses have been vilified and demonized. It is present in your history, in your vocabulary, in your art and culture. Have you ever considered the archetypal names, such as Eve (a small step away from evil) and Devi (one consonant away from devil) – a sure way of separating you from your bliss and complete experience as a spiritual human being and limiting you to the hell of an archetypal existence. All pleasure and enjoyable states of experience and being have been condemned as impure and unholy, thus ensuring a lifetime of imprisonment in the cold dark jail cell of a judgemental and puritanical mind.
The soul cannot incarnate without a body. You have to ask yourself why would the soul choose to experience existence through a body, when it is already experiencing consciousness through an energy field? Why would it choose a body with senses with the capability and capacity for incredible joy, pleasure and giving and receiving love and then immediately start to suppress, deny and eradicate this body and its senses? Why would it choose to enter existence and then immediately deny existence?
Existence is here and now – present in the physical. When the self becomes absorbed in the One, there is no longer existence. The body is only present in existence and the Soul has the power to manifest through the body into existence. Why forsake all of this creativity, fecundity and abundance in a quest for purification as dictated by the wasteland of the mind?
Words have power and this power have been abused and is still being abused in the power play of humans. The game is about possession – possession of power over one another; possession of one another’s bodies, freedom, feelings and ultimately possession of another’s soul.
It is easy to play with words and to distort the original meaning, thus leading to confusion. The greatest enemy of the Soul, is the razor sharp self-doubt of the mind. A well-known saying is ‘divide and conquer’ – a divided mind is easy to conquer. You can spend a lifetime lost in trying to understand; trying to unravel the Mystery; trying to fix yourself and making yourself fit or not fit into a man-made model of philosophy, psychology or any of the thousands of belief systems available to the mind.
Or you can choose the way of the heart and the body. Not the heart as specified by the mind, but the True Heart, the one that resonates and vibrates in your body, in your Shakty.
Become aware of the body. Become aware of its senses. Those senses are available to you
Become watchful and observant. Observe your body. Become aware of every movement, every gesture, every receptive sense. Through awareness, the miracles will happen. You will become aware of a greater resonance, a harmony, an inner song in your body. One that lives independently from you, the self created by the analysing mind. As you learn to relax into this awareness, the body will start to relax and the senses will open wider. You will find a great sense of ease and beauty seeping from your body.
Then expand this awareness to your thoughts. Pay attention to everything that goes through your mind. And you will become aware of the watching Self. You will see that these thoughts rise and fall, without any effort from you, without you making these thoughts happen. and you will see how irrelevant most of these thoughts are and how chaotic! As you become aware of these thoughts, you will notice that they become less and less. Through your awareness, you are shifting your presence elsewhere. But that is still part of the mystery. Slowly but surely, peace will start to settle in your mind as the thoughts start to dissipate.
Now you will find that your body and mind are both at peace. They have come to a quiet place; a sacred space created by your sacred awareness.
Now you are ready for the third step : become aware of your emotions and feelings. This will take more concentration and require that more of you come into the present moment. Feelings are very subtle and your mind have been hiding true feelings behind many masks. Now you can uncover these masks through your awareness.
As the masks start to dissolve, you will enter into an even greater peace – you will be able to let go of the control and the resistance as there is nothing for the mind to defend anymore. When you are aware of your true feelings, there is nothing for the mind to hide from you anywhere. And you will become aware of the emptiness within. A vast full emptiness.

And then, when all three these are fused into one, the fourth awareness will take place by itself.
The ultimate awareness of yourself as pure awareness. This awareness is fully awake and in bliss and this bliss is available in the physical body and heart at all times.
See that you have not ‘done’ anything. You did not make anything happen. You merely brought your awareness into existence. You brought existence into being by shining your Light onto it. I Am the Living Organic Light. I am in you, a passive potential force that, when awakened, will release you from the sleep of the dead and into Life, awake and aware!
The keywords are attitude and awareness. If your attitude is one of trust in me, your Great Mother, then you will allow the unfolding of the Organic Light in a carefree and joyful way. You will trust yourself enough to allow yourself to make seeming mistakes whilst at the same time knowing that everything serves. That which appears like a mistake to the mind, has a cardinal role to play in your experience and understanding. You will allow yourself to be present in both the pain and the pleasure – these are two sides of the same coin and there is no line between pain and pleasure. It is only the mind that perceives duality and separation. The body and the heart makes no distinction and does not create separately from the Whole.
I am not separate from the Whole. Although I am speaking to you from my feminine aspect, I am both, He and She, within and without, Shakty and Shiva, inseparable.


Inner Critic : Judge, Jury and Sentenced : verdict guilty!

In resurrection, The Path of Love, The way of the heart on November 5, 2010 at 7:24 am

The Critical Inner self, or the Inner Judge, is the one voice and aspect of the shadow self, that is at the core of personal stress.  It is this voice that people try to drown through entertainment, drugs, food, and other means of escape.  Most of the courses of action taken are really coping mechanisms in trying to acquire peace within or just to live with the inner critic.

It is an insidious and at times hard to detect, relentless inner voice which eventually leads to your full submission to its will.  This voice may be a combination of internalised voices, such as those of parents or other authority figures.  It often also includes anger and rage which has been turned inward, instead of being directed at the person responsible, and a few other cases which I will discuss below.

It is important to understand that the inner critic was created to protect you from SHAME.  This makes it very difficult to discern and to overcome the critic, as at its core is your deepest fear.  So it serves you and it has served you when you felt humiliated or scorned by another; mostly by parents or other authority figures or your peers.

When you have come to know and be aware of the inner critic, you can become its master and it can serve you.  It can become your inner radar and it can help to guide you when you are off-track.  But in order for that to happen, you need to be aware of and know your inner critic – otherwise it will be your master and jailer!

The inner critic is present in the negative inner voice and also in the inner judge : that part of yourself that makes the rules by which you should live. It is a very cruel and self-deprecating voice and it assumes many guises and roles within and this makes it often quite difficult to detect and pin point. However,   if  you pay attention to this voice long enough, you will notice that it never offers a solution or a way out.  It creates a deep ‘groove’ in your mental pattern and eventually it creates a neural pathway and soon enough, this  becomes your comfort zone – without you realising that this is happening.

It is not heard as a separate voice in your head, but often as a train of thoughts that comments continuously on every action that you take.  During this train of thought it casually and relentlessly puts you down and sabotages your successes.

The inner critic and judge is the one that is creating your anxiety.  It tells you when to worry and what to worry about and believe it or not, you can become addicted to this critical self.  High achievers and goal oriented personality types often use this inner critic as a motivating tool – not through the proverbial carrot in this case, but with the use of a whip!

Often you are placing too much pressure on yourself and your expectations are too high.  In effect, you are setting yourself up to become an easy target and prey to the inner critic.  As in all aspects of the personal self, the inner critic has to be identified and eventually mastered!

It is normal to have concerns about your life and all its aspects and relationships and I am not a believer in transcendence myself nor the New Age adage that all is well and therefore I need do nothing or this is only an illusion, so why should I care.  True spirituality is passionate, grounded, compassionate and present and free from the negative inner voice!

A powerful way of confronting and challenging the inner critic is through
the witnessing self and through the simple question : “Says who?”.

The inner critic is based and rooted in your perceptions.  This is why it is often so powerful to verbalise it towards someone who is supporting you in your quest to overcome the inner critic, as the other person will probably not share your perception and will be able to show you that it is possible to drop that belief system.

However, due to our vibrational resonance with others, we are attracted to those who share our perceptions, belief systems and yes, also the inner critic.  In the beginning of the relationship (and this can be any relationship and often experienced in a teacher/student or guru/disciple relationship) it is all ‘love and light’ and then the dark teacher will appear in the form of the one who awakens your inner critic.  This is a very vulnerable stage of the relationship and also of inner growth and development.  If the teacher/guide/therapist has not overcome enough of his/her inner critic, the vulnerable seeker will be open to manipulation and being taken advantage of and often abused.  Because of the seeker’s own wounding and limited perception, it will be almost impossible to discern and distinguish the dark play. Often this results in an incredible surge and intensification of the seeker’s inner critic and he/she gets sucked deeper into the quagmire of religion or dogma, thus being kept prisoner by his or her own assumed guilt!

When the pain becomes unbearable, the seeker may wake up to this self-abuse and abuse at the hands of another or he/she may try to break the pattern and eventually wake up to the truth.  (or of course there is always the third choice : he/she may move into denial and continue to assume the inner role of victim or martyr).


1. Learn to identify your inner selves and their voices.  Here are some guidelines :

– in which situations does it arise?

– which of your actions make it speak up more loudly?

– what does it tell you about yourself and every aspect of your life?

– does this voice sound mean and angry? does it attack you directly with cruel and demeaning statements about yourself and your actions? (you are not a likeable person; you are so envious/judgemental/selfish)

– or does it trick you with a soft, gentle and self-soothing voice encouraging you to self-indulge and always encouraging you in your self-sabotaging ways? (do not worry, you will be fine – no need to listen to others and their comments – they are just nasty, or jealous – have that second piece of cake, no need to starve yourself)

The inner critic seduces you into acting against your goals and then punishes you when you do so; in fact, for the very action that it encouraged you to take.

2. Witness the inner critic

Keep a notebook with you and write down the voice and statements of the inner critic that you hear and are aware of.  Then turn these statements into ones ‘outside’ of yourself by making them into sentences starting with ‘you’.  For instance, you are such a nasty piece of work.

Then read these sentences and understand that you cannot possible thrive with this voice present.

3.  Let go of the guilt

The first action to take to let go of this sadistic enemy within, is to let go of the guilt.  The inner critic and judge feeds off the guilt.  you will notice the presence of a god that judges in all religions – this is the ultimate projected and personified inner critic and judge.  So, let go of the guilt!

In the words of A Course In Miracles :  you did not create yourself.  You did not create your personality type, choose your genetic tendencies, placed yourself in your early life experiences – how can you therefore assume responsibility and guilt for your own creation.

Secondly, these statements are not true facts about who you are – so set into motion a process of changing those belief systems, find the tools to help you change your perceptions!

4.  Start to react and come from a more loving and compassionate place within yourself

You can counter act these vicious statements with positive affirmations or statements of your true beliefs and especially through the conviction of your faith in a benevolent inner Self.

Take those same negative statements and write them down as positive statements.  Use these continuously.  Stick them where you can see them.  Do not try to transcend this negativity within yourself.  That will be the next step.  First you have to tilt the balance of the scales from negative to positive.  You may find it unrealistic and irritating to be repeating only the positive, but it is a process, go with it.

You will also find that the inner critic will retaliate by trying to drown out the positive voice.  You can remind yourself that that which you feed, grows.  So now when you start to starve this negative voice, it will get angry and hungry and it will demand to be fed.  Just keep on ignoring it and eventually it will die off – in other words, do not give it energy.

5. Actions

Your most powerful ally in this war between yourself and the inner critic and judge is your actions.  The inner critic is a coward and a bully.  It preys on your weaknesses and your most negative and self-deprecating beliefs. It enters the place of pain where you are at your most weakest.  But when you stand up to it, confront it and act in accordance with your goal, DESPITE its roaring and thrashing, it will slink away and its negative thought processes will disappear!

6.  Meditation

Meditation and sadhana (spiritual practise) is the short cut to healing the inner critic.  The ultimate focus of spiritual practise is to become immersed in the Living Organic Light, that which encompasses all and is not fragmented by the duality.  Spending time in meditation purifies and cleanses the mind of these negative ‘tracks’ and the higher vibrational energy that you access within yourSelf, purifes the neural pathways and nadi in the brain and the emotional and physical and energetic bodies.  As the system becomes purified, the inner negative ego loses its grip and influence and it becomes easier to consciously withstand the negative self.

And ultimately the goal is to awaken the Presence of the Holy Spirit, the Kundalini or Shakty within.  As She awakens and rises to meet Her Beloved, the work really gets done for you!

Fullness of the Heart

In The way of the heart on September 12, 2010 at 9:45 am

FULLNESS OF THE HEARTA message from Mother Mary, Keeper of the Sacred Heart and  the Feminine Christ

From the fullness of the Heart you move into the full expression of Self into the world. Fullness of the Heart can be directly experienced through immense happiness, joy, ecstasy and indeed witnessed in Grace in everyday living.  Fullness of the Heart is the doorway into the embrace of the Feminine Christ and indeed into radiant ecstatic living.

So it is obvious that if there is a perception or belief that the spiritual heart and the personal heart is empty, you will not be able to express or manifest outside of yourself;  you will not be able to access your sacred desires and passions.  All of these are your doorways into the ecstasy of God.  Most of you have been conditioned and taught to run on half-empty – this becomes such a habit that you do not even realize that you are operating from a place of force rather than power. In the world of duality, such a feeling of scarcity and emptiness will then lead to greed and the belief in taking more than what you need and taking at the expense of others (and yourself) – it gives life to archetypes in your psyche which will devour you and your existence.

As this belief system is not in the Grace of Light and it does not exist on the level of your True Self, this becomes a split off from the Self and you develop a separate personality aspect that has the power to lead a separate existence – even unknown to your ego self! This self then grows and lives in the shadow of your True Self and in your unconscious darkness. The aspects of the personality act in stealth and they live ‘under the radar’ so to speak. They go quietly about their business, doing their best not to alert you to their subterfuge and existence. These aspects are often the saboteurs in your life and they are the ones that keep you stuck where you are and going round and round in circles. And indeed, this is part of their function.

They are designed by the mind as gatekeepers – guardians of the inner garden – they are there to keep you out of your sacred garden and to keep you ignorant of the potential that lies within. Should you wake up to their existence and you change your ways, they will have to die. The more invested and identified you are with their existence, the stronger their hold and control over you become. Symbolically they can be seen as usurpers of the kingdom and the false king/queen on the throne – they become your false masters. They rule without mercy and the inner garden becomes a wasteland under their rule. You become a stagnated being, subject to rules that you do not even understand and you go through life in a ‘trance’, hypnotized by their chants and mantras.

But the wonderful news is that if you are looking for answers and a new way of being with and in yourself, then the power of the trance has been wearing off. At a level, you are becoming rebellious or desperate enough to consider breaking out of the jail and overthrowing the government of the mind. You do not need to uncover and identify each and every aspect of the personality! You do not have to de-construct the construction that you created! You do, however, have to have the intent, dedication and commitment to ALLOW the deconstruction and most of all, you have to have faith and absolute trust in the Love and Grace of Soul.

When one first wakes up to the darkness within and all its shadows, the temptation to accredit this creation to the Ego and subsequently give it power, is very strong, But this is just another ploy by mind to take the credit and the glory in a skewed manner and thus to own your power again. This is where it is so important NOT to become identified with the mind and the body. You are neither. You are the True Self. Mind and body is the product of the world, created as a playground, or a school (whichever you choose to believe in). You did not create your mind. Neither did you create your body. You did not control your childhood and all its conditioning experiences, and so on.  The Creator did and through awareness, surrender and acceptance you can allow the Creator (Your True Self/Soul/Christ) to dissolve the veil.

The fullness of the heart is your key into the other world. The fullness of the heart is the door into freedom, grace and bliss!! When the heart is full, the senses are satisfied and there is no subconscious belief in scarcity and lack of love. Love translates into the physical world as everything, i.e. objects, needs, desires, security, joy, happiness, clarity, creativity and it translates as the most basic fundamental material existence of needing an income, needing employment, a house, being able to provide for your family, being treated with love and respect and everything else that you need to exist in a happy life. Therefore love is not only a feeling or even an action, nor is love limited to personal relationships : ultimately love is yourself. Love is all that there is.

Love is the very fabric that you are made of and Love is the nature of God.

Thus, it is obvious, that where your mind creates its own sub-beliefs that exclude the presence of Love (which it by its very nature it will do), it will separate you from your wholeness and it will cast shadows in your life. It is also true that Love does exist everywhere at all times, even in the shadows, but this is only obvious and known to you when you have let go sufficiently of your mind-body identification and you are detached from the importance of the self.

When I use the word ‘heart’, I refer to the High Heart or the Spiritual Heart.  Your ultimate desire and longing is for conscious realisation of union with God.  When this desire is fulfilled, all needs are met.

When the divine Fire splits into Light and Flame, you have the duality of Will and Desire – thus the play between the archetypes and their shadows.  These create the divine play of polarity and duality for you – they provide the tension so that you can create and the secret is not to become identified with either the ‘good’ or the ‘bad’ archetypes. It is to witness this play in yourself with love, ie with acceptance.  Acceptance that this is the way it is meant to be;  that it serves a purpose in your life and just because you do not know or understand yet, it does not mean that it should not be this way.  Intellectually, there are many explanations and belief systems and traditions.  These are all attempts by the human mind to either understand or to put into words the direct knowing which is being experienced beyond the veil.  Have your own direct experiences and know for yourself.  Bhakty, the act of devotion by the surrendered self, will grant you these direct experiences.

Although all of this sounds very mystical, the spiritual life is a practical, grounded way of living.  It is a softening of your boundaries, a dissolving of identity and a letting go of your attachment to how you think things (including yourself and your reactions and your behaviour) should be and should not be.  It is actually a much easier and much simpler way of living, than the way of the mind!

The five steps of the path of love will take you to the door of the Heart and its servant of bhakty .

Firstly, let go of your defences and allow yourself to become vulnerable.  When you practise allowance this activates Love into Action!  Through your willingness to hand over control of your life, you are putting your Soul into the driver’s seat of your journey and this is true surrender.  Surrender to the principle of Love.  In order to surrender, you have to access your own willingness to trust and to develop faith.  Faith is a skill – it has to be developed through the consistent effort of surrender. As you can see the entire process calls for commitment and the willingness to persevere, despite appearances.

Through continual surrendering to a greater power, letting go of trying to control your identity and your experience, you will expand into a greater sense of self.  Layers of conditioning and habitual action and patterning can just fall away.  Your consciousness changes without you having ‘done’ anything and miracles start to happen.  And, finally, you live in acceptance, a subtle shift, a bridge into a state of peace and fullness of heart.

To learn the Sacred Heart Meditation and receive the Sacred Heart diksha from Mother Mary – go to http://www.freedomthroughlove.org

Living by Grace

In The way of the heart on August 30, 2010 at 9:08 am

Most people start the journey towards awakening to their true selves in an attempt to escape their current state of mind or to heal the body. In the beginning various tools are applied, such as affirmations, releasing techniques and various other modalities, but then eventually, the truth dawns, that actually you are only re-arranging the furniture! Carlos Castanedas said that when you wake up and you realise you are in the house of the mind, do not waste time exploring the various rooms, get out of there as fast as you can! Well, that is one approach. But ultimately, we are walking between worlds and we have to learn to live with the tension of the opposites. This constitutes the middle road – that of living by Grace. (This was discussed in more detail in my previous blog Freedom through Love)

The ego or man-made mind, is the only thing that stands between you and the direct experience of God. In order to live by Grace and to live in freedom, you need to let go of your need to suffer and to receive Love in every breathing moment! I agree that when you first read this sentence, you tend to react, what utter nonsense, who chooses to suffer willingly and knowingly? But the mind, through its conditioning and its ‘learning’ chooses suffering most of the time.
It revels in its own sense of suffering. The mind identifies with the story of ‘me’ and ‘me’ cannot exist without the story! Thus it is easy to become so enmeshed in the story that it becomes your identity and all of who you think you are. When in actual fact, you are not the story and you need to remember who you are.
The truth is that you are never separated from God. Your True Self is the one behind the web of the mind. Your mind is your active opponent when it engages in self-rejection, self-deprecation, criticism of the self, breaking down your self-esteem and filling you with thoughts of not being good enough, not lovable, and so on. So now you are probably thinking to yourself, well, I know that is the problem; how do I change it?
First of all, change your belief system. At first you may need blind faith. Blind faith in an ever loving Presence that has never abandoned you and has never rejected you. Accept that you in fact do not know the true nature of the divine Presence. All that you think you know about it, you have acquired through the perception of your experiences and thus your conditioning. The mind wants to keep you safe and protected against re-experiencing any painful feelings. Thus it contracts and armours itself and does whatever it takes to keep you from revealing yourself, or from taking any emotional risks. But when you apply the mind in its higher function of self-enquiry and you follow the bread crumb trail back to the origin of the thought and the belief system, you will find that your mind’s reasoning is absolutely crazy! There is no logic and no rationale. It is a story woven and fabricated by your mind and it will most probably not even make sense to anybody else. So this is where Carlos Castanedas’ statement makes so much sense. Why do you want to spend time unravelling the many, many stories that your mind created? It is so much simpler to merely jump from the plane, knowing that you carry a parachute and free float down to a new reality.
Obviously this is not as easy as I make it sound, but with consistent effort this is well within your reach. At first it is difficult to do as you now have to break a life long habit. A habit of being angry, or feeling justified in your behaviour, or feeling sorry for yourself. Although these habits seemingly give you power and often has become the driving force and motivator in your life, they do not serve you – in fact they are your master and you serve them – thus, you are not free to reach your fullest potential, nor are you free to be happy, just for the sake of being happy.
The mind will have you know that as long as you are an imperfect human being, you cannot Realise your Oneness with what Is. But this is not true. You are both a human being and at one with God. No-one can really define the terms awakening, enlightenment and Self-Realisation, Christ Consciousness and so on. As long as you tie yourself to a belief system or a tradition or a religion, you are tied to certain requirements for awakening or enlightenment, but ultimately, this is a process of becoming less of you and more of You! And you are the only one who knows your inner world and who knows God Within. Everyone else can only know God in their own way. So the moment you rely on others’ words or experiences, you are separating yourself from true knowing and you will also doubt and discount your direct spiritual experiences.
All disease of the body is created by the mind, ultimately. This is a tough one to assimilate and swallow, but your thoughts, your belief systems, your incessant prayers are creating your body. This does not mean that you must overcome all disease and that unless you do so you are not perfect or ‘good enough’ to know God. That is exactly the nature of the thoughts of the mind that drives you toward the notion that you have to heal your life. You do not have to heal your body, nor your life. You need to desire God and only God and everything else will be taken care of.
What does it mean to ‘desire God’? It means that you accept that there is a Principle of Love – complete, unconditional and infinite Love. That this Love Principle is Perfection and that its power is omnipotent and omnipresent. You accept that ultimately your will is God’s Will and God’s Will is your will and that God’s Will is only Love. So, I suppose you have to believe that your mind is not in control, it has never been in control and that personal willpower will not get you what you want!! And then by implication, this means that ‘your will’ is not the personal will of the mind. And mostly, we only get to this point in our consciousness and awareness, through hardship and suffering, and often through disease of the body! So we have gone full circle, back to disease of the body.
You can choose to look at disease or challenges in your life as signs of ‘not doing it right’ or ‘not being aligned’, or whatever terminology the mind choooses to use. OR you can look at it from the perspective of LOVE, and that is that All Is As It Should Be at all times. You may not understand, you may not be able to see the bigger picture, but knowledge of God and the true nature of Love, will set you free to accept and surrender at all times. And through acceptance and surrender, the resistance dissolves and thus the mental pattern that created the disease in the first place.
Many alternative therapies do work for a while. I suppose they satisfy the mind that believes that it needs to understand, before it can surrender and let go. But in my personal experiences and in healing experiences with many others that I have worked with over the years, true breakthrough has always taken place when the person has accepted that no matter of self-improvement is going to fix the problem.
You see, you do not need self-improvement. You are innately whole. You entered this world in absolute innocence and wholeness. And then the journey started. And the pain that you felt, was the pain of believing you are separate from God, that you had been abandoned by God. And these feelings were created because this world cannot validate your Christ Self. So, when you looked into the eyes of another, you could not see your True Self reflected back at you. Nowhere could you see evidence of your innocence and your purity. Your True Self was rejected in experiences with others. When you revealed your exuberance, your absolute Self-absorbed happiness and joy, it was labelled as inappropriate; your pleasure in the beingness of your physical body may have been called perverse. In many different ways, your Being were rejected. And this is the truth for all human beings, in varying degrees.
When you find someone that you resonate with, your experience is always one of ‘he/she gets me’, they understand me, they ‘see’ me. But sooner or later, this is no longer true and problems start in the relationship. Do not look for acceptance in the eyes of another. As you are learn that you are so much more than your story and so much more than others’ reflections, and you start to gain this conviction, you become the Grace.
Once you realise this, you can start the journey of true acceptance and surrender : accept that you will never understand all they whys and wherefores; accept that you cannot know God with your mind and surrender to Grace. Living by Grace enables you to live in joy and total freedom despite the ‘story’ and the mind’s attempts at keeping you tied to your story.

Freedom through Love

In The way of the heart on August 30, 2010 at 6:15 am

Surrrendering to God (the Unknown and Unknowable) requires an unwavering faith and trust in the Absolute Goodness of God.

Surrender is the key to unveiling the Truth of Oneness, so why would the mind not allow you to surrender instantly? The obvious answer is ‘fear’, but then, fear of what? Fear of God. The fear of God is implicit in the creation of a seemingly separate human mind – one that has its own personal perceptions based on personal experience. Therefore a very valid point of view, seen from the mind’s perspective, to not willingly surrender to that which is Unknown and Unknowable – would you not agree?
The mind cannot know God and that is where the problem lies. As long as you rely on your mind and its perceptions based on its own limited belief systems, you will not even be able to contemplate the nature of God. The direct experience of God will give you the taste of what you are seeking – it will satisfy the yearning of your heart and the longing of your soul. You will not be able to explain God in words or concepts and this is because God is not an idea! God IS. God IS at all times, whether you are consciously aware of this or not. God IS.
And the paradox is that the more you empty your mind, in order to step into the IS, the more you will get to know your mind and the less attached you will become to its content and belief systems.
How do you empty your mind and start this journey on a daily basis? There are various forms of meditation, but it is not necessary to move into an ashram, or to withdraw from life and to acquire vast meditation skills. In fact, when you do any of the above, you are creating another belief system and really, to know God, you have to step into a life ‘beyond belief’. You have to let go of all belief systems, so be conscious of which new belief systems you are creating.
It can be as simple as becoming aware of each and every moment. Take fifteen minutes in the morning and fifteen minutes at night (before sleep) and sit with your breath. In this time, focus on the in and out breath. No pranayama, no manipulation of the breath, just a rythmic breath. As you breath in and out, be present and be aware, be willing to BE WITH the breath, and to be with yourself and thus to be with God. Yes, to be with God! as you, without judgement, without the need to improve yourself, without goals, without striving, just BE. It is said that God is closer than your own breath. In the Hindu tradition, the God Shiva (Siva) is an anagram of Vasi (breath) – surely you can see that there is a message here. God is not a separate entity ‘out there’; neither is God a being, limited to duality and good and bad. God IS. And only you can know God, by knowing yourself.
As you become conscious of the moment, you will become conscious of certain thoughts and feelings. Do not fight these. Do not engage these. These are all part of the ‘story’; the story that you wrote and continue to write about yourself. Let them arise to the surface of the mind like bubbles and let them be. ‘This too shall pass’. It may take a while to trust the process, but eventually the clouds will start to clear. You may not have any immediate insights, but you will notice new feelings, a new sense of lightness, a more positive outlook, and so on.
The truth is that you are not separate from God. God is both within and without. God is everything. Even by using the word God I am projecting a series of beliefs and adjectives in your mind, but to communicate, we need words. You can replace the word ‘god’ with Love, or Peace, or Christ, or Goddess, or Light. Most of these have already been claimed by spiritual and religious traditions, so once again, you are limiting your knowledge of the Divine. So there is only one way, and that is to go beyond – to go beyond the mind.
In The Cloud of Unknowing, a work by an unknown Christian monk, he says that the mind creates the Cloud of Unknowing, which obscures the knowledge of God and in order to clear this cloud, you have to put everything else into the Cloud of Forgetting.
This is a wonderfully simple analogy for exactly how I am with and know the Self.
The mind likes to and wants to understand and interpret, in order to organise, structure and mainly to control. The mind believes that when things are not going according to its plans and goals and expectations, that it is doing something wrong. You, as servant to the mind, then start to ‘do’ in order to bring seeming order back to the chaos. But chaos is needed to create, so unless, you can allow the chaos, you can not live a creative life, and your inner world will become a wasteland. You will feel trapped by external routines and seemingly limited choices. As long you try to interpret and understand, you are analysing and ‘filing’ and adding to the ‘story’. You always have a choice whether you look at a glass as half-full or half empty. You have the same power when it comes to writing your story. You can have exactly the same childhood as someone else, but based on your perception, your personality, your expectations, you will write a different story about your life and more importantly, about yourself, than someone else. But eventually, you only become a character in this story, and you are written by the story line that you set in motion a long time ago. Your choices become limited, your reactions become predictable and the people that you attract in your life, are all seemingly the same character, just in different dress-up every time. These characters are usually the Big Bad Wolf, or the Evil Stepmother or the jealous Ugly Stepsister or the Fisher King and so on.
So, how to change the story? How to undo the storyboard and how to step off the page? Through surrender.
Surrender does not mean that you just ‘give up’ and become downtrodden and despondent and despaired – well, sometimes it does. But not for this exercise.
To understand the meaning of surrender in this context, please visualise a triangle. See the one leg of the triangle in the ‘negative’ and the other leg of the triangle in the ‘positive’ and then see the apex of the triangle in the centre, high above it all. The apex of the triangle I like to call ‘High Thinking’ (the Absolute, Union, Unity Consciousness, at-one with God). All three points of the triangle is ‘true’ for you, the human being. You are standing with two legs in duality and your Soul is in God. If you keep your head in God as well, whilst going about your daily life, in full acceptance of everything as IS, you are living in surrender. And then you are holding the golden key to Self-Realisation.
Remember, life is energy before it is matter. So make sure that whatever you are giving energy to, really matters.
Thoughts and emotions are prayers, sent without end, setting your intent and ‘want’ to your Higher Self.
So, place your story and all its characters, into the cloud of forgetfullness. Leave it behind. Let it go. Over and over. Put down that heavy suitcase, throw out the baggage, and walk away, mentally and emotionally and step into Freedom. All of this is possible through Love.
This will mean that you suspend all judgement. When something happens to you, you step into the witness, into the apex of the triangle and you observe yourself. You observe your reactions, the feelings of pain and hurt, or anger and explosiveness. You do not have to fight or resist these feelings. You accept them. It is our resistance to our feelings that cause the suffering. Suffering is on-going pain and repression. When you allow yourself to feel the pain, the be at the centre of the feelings, without resistance and without fear, they will dissolve. Like mist in front of the Sun! You will most probably not be able to stay in the witness in the beginning, but you can go back to your High Throne in the Sun. When you become aware that you are fully engaged in flurry and intensity of the feelings, then you can return to the apex of the triangle, without judgement of self. When you release all judgement of the self that is still in the thick of the duality, compassion will enter its space.
The first time true acceptance and compassion floods your heart and being, it washes your mind of the fog and a sweetness, such as only known in love at first sight, enters your being. This absolute sweetness is Love, God, and ultimately your True Self. Once you have known this sweetness, this incredibly tender, absolute Love, you will want more and more. And your subconscious will find the way to deliver more to you!
Remember, through surrender, you are activating the principle of Love. The Principle of Love, is God, the Soul, Christ Consciousness, Guru (disspeller of darkness). The Principle of Love is intelligent and its goal and ultimate destiny is your Self-Realisation! It wants you to wake up from the nightmare and to participate fully in this Experience. Once Love has been activated, It will take control as much as you can allow. It will become your Guru, your Guru, your Lover, your Beloved and your divine Parent and It will bring you exactly what you need at all times.
So do not put off surrender. Take the risk. It is said that when you jump off the cliff, thousands of angels will be there to provide wings for your flight. Step into Freedom, over and over, and eventually you will remember and it will be a constant state of Love!
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Her Call

In The way of the heart on August 14, 2010 at 4:10 pm


‘How might your life have been different, if, deep within,

you carried an image of the Great Mother,

and, when things seemed very, very bad, you could imagine

that you were sitting in the lap of the Goddess,

held tightly …

embraced, at last.

And, that you could hear Her saying to you,

“I love you ….

I love you and I need you to bring forth your self”.’

Erich Neumann, The Great Mother


“It was a dark night. A blood red full moon was hanging in the sky. We were standing on a beach, waves gently lapping in the background. I was one of a circle of 12, maybe 13 women. We were all dressed in black and a sense of awe and reverence washed over me. I felt spellbound and hardly dared to breathe. The old woman stirred the dark liquid in the ‘cauldron’ in front of her and she filled a huge round goblet with a deep dark red fluid. She held the glass high and the light of the moon reflected off the sides. She handed the glass to the woman in front of her, who took it with both hands. As she threw her head back, I could see the clear shape of her taut throat and as the liquid flowed down her throat, I became a part of her memory and her story. This happened with each and everyone of the women in front of me – as she drank the liquid, I became one with her, I merged with her memories and our stories were joined. I was the last one in the circle, being the youngest, and as the old woman handed me the goblet, she said to me : Drink the Poison and Find the Cure!’.

I was thirteen years old and lying on my bed with the yellow flower wallpaper next to me. I opened my eyes and returned from this vision. I had no idea what it meant, but from that day, it became my vision and purpose. And slowly, as I returned to the Otherworld, over and over, the answers were given to me and I was guided to the next step.

I shared this vision of mine at the International Goddess Conference that I hosted in South Africa in 2008, believing that this was the culmination of Her Call to me. Little did I know that the journey up till then was only Her preparation of the Way of what is still to come!

So walk with me as I start with the story nine years ago:

For many years I was happy to teach from many different spiritual writings, such as A Course in Miracles, the Gnostic scriptures, the Bhagavad Gita and so on. The deeper I entrenched myself into meditation and other spiritual practices, the more I discovered a gaping contradiction and inner conflict within myself.

In my practical work as a spiritual healer and alternative practitioner, working mainly with women, I found this same inner conflict reflected back at me. We, especially as Western women, living in our current, modern world, had at this stage of our journey, not had the luxury or privilege of asserting ourselves emotionally and spiritually. Nor have we had the privilege of having been received by the world as having the right to assert ourselves spiritually and emotionally.

And here we are, now embarked on a spiritual path which once again, is demanding of us to suppress and repress and to let go of this assertiveness. We are being asked to put others first and ourselves, as women, last. We are being asked to let go of our undeveloped ego and already non-existent personal boundaries.

On the one hand, I felt compelled to embrace these spiritual teachings as they somehow seem to resonate in my memory banks, but on the other hand, I found myself counselling women to do exactly the opposite!!

Time and time again, I found myself advising women to claim their lives back. To put themselves first and foremost, to become strong and selfish parents to their inner children, to fight for what rightfully belongs to them. As my inspired words became more and feminist in nature and virtually the opposite of what I, up till then believed, and were desperately trying to practise, I started to glimpse the incredible conflict within my psyche and entire being. It felt as though I was embattled between that which I have been ‘taught’ for lifetimes and that which naturally arises within my feminine self.

I tried to digest and assimilate these teachings as they flowed from my deepest awareness and understanding. It was as though these concepts were an organic part of myself as a woman. I tried my utmost to reconcile these powerful living concepts with the mental understanding of the spiritual path that I believed I followed.

But the conflict worsened as I observed women’s psyches and inner worlds flowering and blossoming into healthy bodies and clarity of purpose and sense of self, as they applied these inspired teachings that I shared with them. At a deeper level, a more subtle and more powerful conflict was raging. Not allowing myself to pay attention to this subtle war raging in my own subconscious, I was urged from within to undertake a sabbatical from my wisdom and healing school and to undertake a journey into the unknown depths of my feminine soul.

And so started my descent, and like Inanna, I shed the seven layers symbolically through the next seven years of abstinence of teaching, counselling, healing and writing.

I finally listened to the urge to pick up a paint brush and a canvas and the images were born through me – I was possessed by the daimon of Her Voice – the images that were crafted by my hand were all of Mother Mary. I was never raised Catholic and had no real knowledge of Mother Mary as an image or as the Divine Feminine. Within two weeks four images of her stared back at me, Mary the Queen, Mary as the Lady of Grace, Mary as the Moon, Mary as the Gnostic Sophia, then followed Mary Magdalene and more and more.

I felt an intense call to undertake a pilgrimage to get to know Mary better and through many signs I was led to the sanctuary of Archangel Michael for his festival in the ancient village of Monte Sant’Angelo in Italy.

I travelled to the sanctuary of St Michael, San Michelle and during my travels in Italy, I found the soothing re-assurance in the image of the grieving blessed Mary and the suffering St Clare of Assisi. I found a deep sense of reassurance and hope in the images of these suffering women, not realizing that the anguish and suffering of my own feminine self found a sense of acknowledgement and acceptance in these images reflected at me. That deepest, unspoken, unacknowledged, repressed feminine self, found solace in the stories of these female Catholic saints and mystics. She found a new sense of hope of having found a voice, of being acknowledged and recognised as Sacred.

She had given the Call and it was up to me to answer.

And thus started the resurrection of my own feminine divine self.

more to follow ……………..

The Emergence of Goddess

In The way of the heart on August 13, 2010 at 8:49 am

The Re-emergence of Goddess

The Goddess is awakening; She is returning to our consciousness from her state of exile and banishment to the unconscious. This is to be seen in the awareness of the ecological plight of our planet. There is a surge of feminine consciousness and awareness in the popular media – always a good barometer of the mass consciousness. However, She demands more than the mere awareness, the reference to Goddess every now and again or the inclusion of the word Goddess when referring to the Universal Divine.

The exiled Goddess, for the past two thousand years frozen in the image of the suffering Mary, Mother of God, carried the suffering and redemption of modern woman’s quest for wholeness of the conscious feminine. The Lady of the Moon was holding the archetypal image of a feminine deity for those who struggled to identify with and relate to a masculine god in the traditional male monotheism or to the image of the Masculine Spirit God in the mystery traditions without the receptive container of the healed feminine.

The embodiment of the Goddess is a wholly conscious feminine path to be undertaken by women at this stage in our development. This is a path to wholeness of the feminine consciousness embodied by women. The old paradigm has served its purpose. We had fallen asleep and we had forgotten the Goddess. She has not forgotten us and She is stirring in our consciousness and she is demanding that those who hear the call, answer and start the work.

The Call of the Goddess comes in various guises. If you have lived a life unconsciously of the feminine, which, by the way, you were meant to, as we have been under the spell of the sleeping Goddess, Her call usually becomes insistent in the lives of patriarchal women, caught up in their own idealized animus. The animus dominated life is one that excludes the celebration of feminine rites, the celebrationary rite of the onset of your menses, the understanding of the sacredness of your body, the knowledge that you are in control of your body and only you have the right of ownership of your own body, the cognizance of the lunar cycles in your body and psyche.

It is also the life that strives for perfection, that exudes dynamic behaviour through self-discipline, control and willpower over the natural world and her own natural self. She sends the Crone, the Goddess of Death, Destruction and Chaos to wake us up. You can expect to see the hand of the Crone in your life in the guise of burn-out, chronic fatigue syndrome or some immune system breakdown or overload. She carries many labels, but is currently prone to ones such as Insulin Resistance, Diabetes, Epstein-Barr virus, osteo-arthritis, allergies to certain foods, obesity, fybromyalgia, irritable bowel syndrome, to name but a few. She also arrives, cloaked in personal traumatic losses in your own life; the loss of an idealised self, an idealised image, the loss of a marriage or a career or a devotive relationship. The important thing is to recognize that She is calling your name.

Women have been living in a patriarchal, male dominated society for the past ten thousand years. During this time, the conscious feminine has been reviled, rejected, cursed, suppressed and oppressed.

Woman has learnt to do the same to their inner feminine. As women, we learnt that being too emotional is not acceptable; you are allowed to express your emotions appropriately, yes, and in the right place and the right time, preferably while you are with your female friends behind closed doors, never in public. please. Our exuberant joy are judged as being mere frivolous, our wild, womanly lust and desires are demeaned as mere sluttishness. We learnt to split out feminine self into female and male. We learnt and taught ourselves to project those ugly ‘male’ qualities onto the men and have been successful in crippling many men emotionally and psychically. We project our cruelty, our need for power and dominance, our anger onto men with the physical phallic power, thus robbing ourselves of our feminine wholeness. We bury our Crone, wise self in the image of the Wicked Witch. We scare our children and our inner child with the fear of the Devouring Mother, devoid of the context of her true power and wholeness.

The complete, whole conscious feminine, contains the Virgin, Mother and Crone. She does indeed devour you, the masked self, but in order to give birth to the true you. When we never experience death, it forever locks us into the fear of its power. Only when one has experienced the power of dying to the old and being born to the new, can you trust Her process in your life.

Our society is designed to never let you die. We are promised eternal beauty and youth, eternal sexual prowess and performance, eternal material gain. The Virgin woman is idealized according to the male fantasy. Her image is used in all images of perfect health and beauty. Perfect health is idealized and you are led to believe that you should never get ill. You should always look thirty years old and should you get ill, there are many manuals that will explain to you that you are responsible for your own illness. Everything in nature changes, dies and transforms. The Goddess holds us and the earth in her perfect cycle of change and transformation.

The Mother gets revered once again as a queen of domesticity, devoid of her sexual and creative powers. These are assigned to the Virgin, created in the image of the idealized animus. The Mother should be devoted to her children, her house and supporting her husband. She is taught by society to carry the emotions of her husband. She loses two thirds of her conscious feminine self. The man in the marriage has been taught to split off his own feminine self and to project the feminine behaviour onto women or homosexual men. Thus the Madonna/whore split. Once his sexual partner no longer looks like the idealized Virgin and she has given birth to his children, he treats her like his own mother. This is not merely the case for one or two men, this takes place in generations of humanity. As long as the Mother Within and her devouring, death power is feared, the personal or projected Mother will be feared and mothers will be vilified for carrying the burden of this projection. Husbands, school teachers, coaches, are regularly heard to say ‘just do not get on the wrong side of the child’s mother, she will kill you’ vilifying the passion of the mother and turning it into a negative death clutch of over-protection and holding on. As a mother, she is not allowed certain behaviour, she is not allowed to express her creative self, as this will empower her and encourage empowered behaviour in the children which in turn will lead to upheaval and lack of obedience in the school class room.

Women are locked into the pain of waiting to be mothered by their animus orientated mothers. But an even more profound suffering is experienced when these women realize that they rejected their own personal mothers for being the weaker sex. Stifling and disempowering is the complexes that hold us locked into being our father’s daughters striving for acceptance and doing our utmost to fit in and be accepted in the male world based on male principles.

The conscious feminine way of being, doing and experiencing is a complete feminine experience. The masculine is not experienced in the traditionally viewed way of the masculine. It may still use the same descriptions, such as creative, active, phallic, progressive, but it feels different, it looks different, it is She in all her terrible and beautiful feminine power. As long as you interpret, perceive and try to understand from your animus, your dominant, distorted masculine side, you will not experience. It is only through embodiment of your conscious feminine that you will heal.

In order for the receptive container of the healed feminine to be created and strengthened we need to reclaim our feminine selves. We need to hold, embrace and nurture our wounded and broken parts and celebrate our innate mothering selves. We need to reclaim our sexual and juicy creative power, our wild womanly ways and our bodily knowing! Awaken your desires, they are guidance from your Heart. Start expressing yourself, pick up a paintbrush, put on music and move your hips!

The role of the Goddess Archetype in Spirituality, Psychology and Relating

In The way of the heart on August 11, 2010 at 7:00 am


The ancient god and goddess mythologies form a crucial part of our collective archetypal unconscious. Within each and every man and woman the gods and goddesses are acting out their archetypal roles. By understanding which goddesses you are keeping alive, you are closer to understanding your own psyche.

These goddesses also exist in our energy fields. They have huge fields of energetic power and control in both the astral, psychic and spiritual realms. We are not dancing alone! Who are your dancing partners?

By identifying your governing archetypes (in the goddesses in this instance) you are in a position to identify compelling behaviour and feeling patterns. Through the study of the inner goddesses you can empower yourself through the power of acceptance, awareness, observation and SURRENDER!

The various goddesses are aspects of the Supreme Mother Goddess. These aspects and goddesses have the power to heal or to disrupt.

Several of these goddesses underlie a woman’s behaviour and psychological style. Men too, are influenced by the goddess types. The goddesses reflect feminine energies in the male psyche, although men usually experience them as being more external to themselves in the shape of women they are attracted to or else have strong reactions to.

Men also experience the goddesses projected onto the women around them, as indeed, the world is a mirror to us all.

All of men’s relationships with women are determined by one or more of the goddess energies and their particular archetypal energies.

One can assume that a certain predisposition to specific archetypes are brought into existence at birth. One is born into a karmic life stream; into a body and personality type which genetically and psychically are already programmed with the lineage of seven generations. From there on you are imprinted and conditioned by those around you, observing and experiencing all through your own personal lens and filter. Therefore pecific goddesses will be awakened and cultivated at various stages in one’s life.

Every archetype has its pros and cons or negatives or positives, depending on its reason for being in your consciousness. For instance, the price for living a protective goddess might be the loss of vulnerability and intimacy. It is theproverbial ‘pact with the devil’* that is made – ‘I scratch your back and you scratch my back’ said tongue-in-cheek, but be aware of the price that you will be paying. Usually, when the crisis occurs in one’s own life and journey, you realise that the price exacted by ‘her’ is too high, and then the journey of transformation starts, as you overcome the belief system, the conditioned fear, the fight or flight response, etc etc.

In some instances you might need to cultivate a certain goddess and in another you would have to let go of a goddess. Your responsibility is to become aware of which goddess/es are currently living in your psyche; decide whether she still serves her purpose; decide whether she is now bringing more harm than healing and then to make the choice as to let her go or to invite her sister into your psyche.

Cultivating a goddess into your consciousness or letting one go from your mode of behaviour and perceptions is not always a simple and straightforward task, but more likely one that will call for great determination and perseverance.

There are three categories of goddesses: virgin, vulnerable and alchemical.

All the goddesses are potential patterns in the psyches of all women, yet in each individual woman some of these patterns are activated/developed and others are not. The ones that are developed become your personal archetypal patterns.

Women are born with an inherent disposition towards certain archetypes – these are then either activated or suppressed, depending on the influential factors., i.e.

Family environment:

The expectations of the child’s family support some goddesses and suppress others. If a family disapproves of a girl’s inherent goddess, she may learn not to act her natural self and her self-esteem will suffer.

Hormonal changes:

activate certain goddesses in a woman’s life and cycle. Pregnancy is a major factor in activating Demeter.

Different stages of life will also activate certain goddesses.

The Vulnerable Goddesses:

Hera, Demeter and Persephone

These represent the traditional female roles of wife, mother and daughter. These are the relationship oriented goddesses, whose identity depends on having a significant relationship. These three suffered rape, abduction, domination and humiliation by male gods. Each experienced powerlessness.

Hera responded with rage and jealousy;

Demeter and Persephone responded with depression.

The Virgin Goddesses:

Artemis, Athena and Hestia

These represent the independent, active, non-relationship aspects of women’s psychology.

Artemis and Athena are outward focused, achievement-oriented

Hestia is inwardly focused.

These three represent inner drives in women to develop talents, pursue interests, solve problems, compete with others, express themselves articulately in words or through art forms, or lead contemplative lives.

The virgin is that part of a woman that is untouched by her need for the validation of a man; that part that exists wholly independent from a man.

The Alchemical Goddess:

Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love. She has the power to transform patterns and behaviour in your life. Often this process turns your life completely upside down as you find yourself acting in completely uncharacteristic ways. Her energy leads you into a gentler and freer space, but not without its turmoil and often, social disapproval. Aphrodite will challenge you into your deepest feminine space of sensuality and beauty.

Which Goddess?

The different goddesses (aspects of a woman’s psyche) will vie for dominance. Some will dominate the woman to such an extent that other valuable goddesses will never be allowed a turn to come to the fore.

When a woman allows others to decide for her what attributes are more valuable, she will never discover her own potential or true nature.

One needs a well-developed sense of self in order to assess the goddesses. It is to take them all into consideration when a decision has to be made. It is not to view the situation and reactions in an emotional light, but to be able to weigh up the pros and cons and then to decide which one will serve the best.

As long as one reacts unconsciously and subconsciously in an certain addictive pattern of behaviour, you are allowing the goddess to control you.

You need to become aware of which goddesses have been activated in you;

Assess which goddesses have been suppressed;

Decide which ones you would like to activate and/or cultivate in order to serve your goal and personal mission.

It is necessary for the self to rule : as long as the ego just goes along with whichever goddess rules for the day or moment, you are in the grip of an unconscious or out of control pattern of behaviour.

The other extreme is when too many goddesses are present and trying to dominate – this results in feelings of chaos and confusion. You end up feeling overwhelmed and might move into panic, flight or freeze up and do nothing.

As long as the ego is biased and insists on repressing some of the goddesses, tension and conflict in the inner self will remain. This can lead to acting out (binging, etc.) in order to relieve some of the tension. As long as this is unconscious behaviour, you will tend to ‘forget’ appointments, ‘forget’ promises and undertakings, sabotage yourself, miss opportunities, become sick in order to avoid confrontation, etc.

Say, Demeter in you, promised to do something for someone and Artemis resents this dependency, Artemis will conveniently forget to fulfill the promise. As you disapprove of artemis and her independence subconsciously, and you have always repressed Artemis, you are unaware of these feelings, and you are completely in the dark and innocent , of having forgotten the promise.

Psychosomatic illnesses are symptoms of repressed goddesses. The independent Athena, who never asks for help and never seems to need anybody, may develop asthma attacks. This is the only way her ego can allow dependent Persephone to get some maternal nurturing.

Moods can also reflect suppressed goddesses.

Often one behaves like two different people and the shifts in one’s personality can lead to confusion.

When one goddess dominates, a woman will be consistently introverted or extraverted. However, when two or more goddesses dominate, this will not be the case.

Awareness brings empowerment

Once you become aware of the goddess archetypes within, through observing yourself, you can learn to listen to the voices within. You can distinguish between who is speaking and become aware of the goddess influencing you in that situation. When they represent conflicting aspects of yourself that you must resolve, you can tune into the needs and concerns of each goddess, and then decide for yourself what is most important.

When some of the goddesses are only known through moods, tantrums and addictions, you will need to spend time discovering who they are.

‘Once a woman can tune in to the different parts of herself and can listen, observe, or feel her differing priorities and competing loyalties, she can then sort them out and measure their importance to her. She then can make conscious choices: when conflicts arise, she decides what priorities to place above others, and what course of action she will take. As a result, her decisions resolve inner conflicts instead of instigating internal wars.’ – Jean Bolen.

The wounded Goddess in us

The religious, patriarchal ‘father image’ has distorted and tyrannized our view of women. This single archetype has been completely distorted and has led to betrayal and abandonment of the ‘mother’, both human and divine. The goddess wounds started more than four thousand years ago when the patriarchal cultures began forcefully taking control from the matriarchal cultures. The evolution of Greek myth and religion is very different to that of Christianity and Judaism with their one father God. The Greek religion retained both father and mother divinities but it is obvious that they struggled with the opposites of these archetypes – the polarity of the yin and yang, the mother and father, the masculine and feminine.

……. more on the patriarch to follow.

* devil and devi seem very close in language – is this one of the ways in which devi become demonised?

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